Friday, April 15, 2011

Things Runners DON'T Get

A follow-up to last weeks highly popular list.

1. To Sleep In  Most mornings the alarm clocks goes off well before 5 a.m.  The running shorts have been slept in, the socks and shoes are waiting by the door and off we go.  This is not a must for runners-but after working all day and then pretending to have a life in the evenings one must run in the morning if it is to  fit in our schedule.  The same goes for resting during vacation-when we Toilet Runners travel we bring emergency TP and our running shoes.  A week without running is a week not worth enjoying.  So if you see a sleepy looking runner around 10 P.M. cut them some slack, they are just hours away from waking up to a beautiful run. 

2Pretty Feet    I don't wear flip-flops.  For one thing-I'm a man, for another my running has ripped apart my feet and left them looking like they belong on a hobbit.  Currently, I have two calluses on top of my toes, a toenail that is presently in the process of falling off, there is a strange perma-blister that I fear may never go away and where my toes rub against my shoes the skin is left looking quite nasty.  It's safe to say you will not find my feet in a flip-flop commercial anytime soon. 

3.  To Stretch Around Other Runners  This point may sound strange to some of you "not-yet runners,"  but the toilet runners out there know exactly what I am talking about.  Stretching is as hot button an issue as barefoot running or the budget crisis.  One amazing runner will tell you to NEVER stretch before you run-as this will slow you down and injure you.  Standing next to this amazing runner-is an equally amazing runner who will tell you to never NOT stretch before you run-as this will slow you down and injure you.  Then add in the fact that there are static and ballistic types of stretching and before you run and after you run ways of stretching and you have all of the ingredients of getting nasty runner looks, no matter when and how you stretch. 

4Painless Days  The other day I was thinking-"when was the last morning I woke up and my legs did not hurt?"  The answer was "I can't."  Most likely-I am doing something wrong and I should not be so sore all the time, but for the last 5 years I have awoken and been sore. It is a badge of honor.  It makes me feel like I am truly a real runner-but in actuality it means that I am doing something wrong-either not stretching enough, not warming up enough not cooling down enough, or my form is completely off.  Whichever is is-bring on the Ibuprofen and ice baths for I will not let a little pain keep me from my running. 

5.  Media Attention  Besides "Chariots of Fire" and "Pre" (which are both over 20 years old) there are ZERO good running movies that are released.  Nearly every other sport has at least 3 blockbuster movies that are awesome-even the lesser popular types i.e. "Seabiscuit"-horse racing, "Pride"-swimming, "Over the Top"-arm wrestling.  Aside from movies-runners also get very little attention in the news (besides Usain Bolt how many top runners can you name).  So any of you who are looking for eternal fame and glory should look to a sport besides running; perhaps if you become a world champ arm wrestler you will forever be immortalized by Sylvester Stallone.

Runner-Ups  Heart disease, Type-2 diabetes, a run without an emergency potty break (toilet runners only), big buff muscles, enough gizmos and gadgets (they are all so awesome and I want them all!), friendly talks from dermatologists, a chance to be a contestant on Biggest Loser, enough Carbohydrates, more than 2 beers, etc etc etc

1 comment:

  1. Jef-you should NOT be sore every day!! That must be miserable! And sleeping in is WAAAY overrated! Runners RULE!!